Rinse & repeat

I will study.

I will study when this last episode (of Breaking Bad, the Office, Parks & Rec, Arrow) is over.

I will study after breakfast, after dinner, after this nap, in the morning.

I will study by reading, doing the problems, making a study guide, making flash cards.

I study.

I study sometimes, mostly at night, mostly before a test.

I study with friends, but mostly alone.

I study for my exams and quizzes, but not usually for my Gen Eds.

I have studied.

I have studied Organic Chemistry, Embryology,  and Medicinal Chemistry.

I have studied in my bed, in my car, at Starbucks, at the library, in the empty chemistry lab, in the airport.

I have studied for awhile and still didn’t know the answer.

I am done studying.

Time to work. Time to socialize. Time to eat. Time to be tested. Time to shower. Time to clean. Time to sleep. Time to have fun? Briefly. Time to cry? It's not that bad. Time to adventure? Maybe. Time to talk? Only if its interesting.

I am done. I am DONE. DONE DONE DONE.

Time for cussing? When appropriate. Time for drinking? A few. Time for letting go? ALWAYS.

Rinse & repeat. 

A Tribute to my Dad

It's my Dad's birthday tomorrow (he's 51 and single!). So I wanted to write a little something for him:

Dad, you held me in your hands;
you let me walk on your toes.

You were always my biggest fan;
you were here for my highest highs, and lowest lows.

Although we don't always see eye to eye
and sometimes we push each other too far

it is so good to have you close by
and to be encouraged to break past my definition of far

I love you for who you are:
quirky, funny, and my father

Here's to another year of corny puns, WTH pics, and uplifting texts! Love you Dad!

A Personal Statement: The Girl Who Lived

When my parents were battling a bitter divorce, I sought refuge and escape in the “Harry Potter” series written by J. K. Rowling. In these books, I extracted deep virtues while being entertained by the superficial, fantastic details. Although the cinematic imagery, mythical beasts, and magic were certainly a draw to the series, what won me over was the lead character, Harry Potter, known in that universe as “The Boy Who Lived.” The significance of this character is that this underrepresented boy, who knew nothing about magic and did not particularly excel in school, was able to learn the greatest lessons of life.

He was underrepresented in the sense that his actual blood family mistreated him and locked him in a closet under their stairs for most of his childhood. Because his parents died protecting him, he was left to live in a challenging family situation. It was at this point that I immediately connected with Harry. Although my parents are still alive, I have gone through quite a few challenging situations. Growing up, I was the intermediary between two warring armies: my mom and my dad. I had to bridge the gap of communication in a bitter divorce. My introduction to healthcare came at an early age, just a little after my tenth birthday, when my dad had two hemorrhages and a heart attack. Between his physical therapy sessions, I helped him relearn how to drive, navigate the grocery aisles, and cook spaghetti. This brought me to personal realization of what a huge responsibility healthcare is and how it can mean so much to a patient. My inspiration for healthcare was born out of this unfortunate situation because of the health professionals that were able to progress my dad from IVs, heart monitors, and hospitals to a high functioning disabled patient who is now able to drive by himself and visit me at college.

I also put myself at risk in my sophomore year of college, when I traveled cross country from Pennsylvania to Texas to help my mom move out of her abusive, alcoholic boyfriend’s house. It was just in time. After we left, he was driven to anger and depression, which caused him to take his own life. However, just like Harry, I do not want people’s sympathy or attention from these difficulties; only my closest friends know these details. Despite my father being permanently disabled, I have continued to work at least one job so that I am able to afford my pursuit of a higher education. I am only sharing this because I want to make it clear that l have lived in an overwhelming, disappointing, and hopeless environment, yet I never let it hinder my passion for healthcare.

Harry arrived at Hogwarts in awe of what little he knew about magic. He had very little experience with what real magic was, since he was locked up in a closet for most his life. I experienced the same awe coming to Southeastern University. Although I had taken science classes in high school, only my honors chemistry class was anything like a real college science course. My transcript bears the evidence of my struggles of trying to balance work, social responsibilities, and ever-increasingly difficult academics. In my tenure at Southeastern University, I have lead (and am leading) a medical mission’s trip to Mexico, coordinating health fairs with licensed practitioners to aide them in performing procedures and increase public health awareness. I am the president of Student Christian Medical and Dental Association, a member of the honor’s society Pre-Health Service Organization, and the representing senator of all academic clubs at Southeastern. In my free time, I often enjoy volunteering my time at clinics for the underserved, while also working as a teacher’s assistant for the science department. My hope is that you are not looking for just an academic, but a well-rounded medical professional who has a heart for people and a willingness to care and serve.

From Harry, I learned many valuable life lessons. For example, love conquers all and is the greatest force in the universe. Those who act as your enemy, often have a sad or trying story behind them (i.e. Draco Malfoy and Voldemort). Whatever hand a person is dealt in life, their attitude and choices in those difficult situations determine their character (i.e. Severus Snape). In addition to the lessons I have learned through Harry’s life, I have also come up with my own life lesson through my experiences: Temperance is one of the greatest virtues. In temperance, a person finds balance in all things, whether to refrain from an alcoholic beverage before taking the car keys or valuing my body’s health as much as I value learning about health.

I really want to be granted the opportunity to be a part of a research internship program. In my opinion, the best learning is not in the lectures of a four-walled classroom, but in hands-on field studies and the laboratory. Textbooks, although informative and aimed to incorporate real-life applications, are nothing like real research. I have always excelled in lab more than lecture, even to the point where I remember conditions for organic synthesis reactions because of it. I look forward to volunteering at the clinic and learning what no textbook ever teaches, like how to handle a patient who is afraid of the dentist or how to translate the knowledge that I have learned in textbooks to simple statements that an average person will understand. So far, all of my personality tests have concluded that I have the “dynamic thinker” personality that highlights my pleasure in figuring out solutions to complex problems, confidence, independence, and radiating enthusiasm.

When I am accepted into a research program, I will gain the hands-on experience I so desperately need and learn from well qualified leaders in the scientific community at a state-of-the-art-facility that my university certainly does not have. The program will gain a student who is eager to learn, who is not afraid of a challenge, and thoroughly enjoys problem solving. In the future, I want to increase public health awareness in the United States and provide free services to the underserved in poor underdeveloped countries. I hope that I communicated that I have made the most out of the opportunities I have been a part of thus far, and with the addition of the incredible experience of the internship program, I will become much closer to my dream of being a medical missionary dentist. Give me the chance and I can be a Harry Potter, “a [girl] who lived,” giving people smiles in a world that has so many reasons to frown.

Wild Beauty

 

"For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God." Romans 1:20

Sometimes it's good to just adventure outside and take the time out of your busy life to just admire God's handiwork. I took all of these pictures today at a local nature preserve. Through the lens of my camera, I could really focus on the beautiful complexity each creature exhibited. As I watched each organism carry on with its respective life, I noticed they lived in a concerted harmony. Peace and belonging and contentment and purpose is evident in their lives. The trees provide shelter and oxygen, the vulture clears away the organic garbage, and the ducks play their role in the fabric of life.


Please, take the time out today to just really look at nature. If God can provide for all of these trees and vultures above and innocent little ducks below, then he can provide for you and me. He created the entire Universe, so he can handle our little problems without much difficulty.

Those Crazy Romans // Want of a Martyr Faith

You may know that Christianity had a long relationship with the Roman Empire, but did you know that it all began with Mary and Joseph returning to Bethlehem in order to take part of the Roman census? Jesus respected the Roman government (paid the tax in Matthew 22:15-21) and even healed the centurion’s servant (Matthew 8:5). He was sentenced to the cross by Pontius Pilate and his tomb was guarded by Roman soldiers. The Romans initially viewed Jesus as a rebel, causing problems in the state of Israel. However, they could not keep him in the grave nor suppress his movement. Then the Romans began to view it as a religion for the poor and slaves (since equality was preached) and an odd heresy. The emperors took offense because the Christians were monotheistic and would not worship any other gods.

Thus the Christians became very unpopular with the Romans (mainly the powerful male Patricians). Yet, as the disciples spread and the conversion of Paul occurred, the number of believers multiplied. Paul’s success at Ephesus provoked a riot to defend the cult of the goddess Artemis. Eventually, Paul was able to take his teachings to Rome itself. If Christians were caught, they faced the penalty of death, because they refused to worship the emperor. It was commonplace for emperors to turn Roman citizens against the Christians, in the hope of impeding the spread of conversion. Once there was a fire that reduced a huge part of Rome to ashes. The Emperor Nero blamed it on the Christians, further pitting the citizens against them. Although, the story goes on to reveal Nero building over that section a huge palace for himself.

It is incredibly sad that Nero punished Christians so cruelly. He tested their faith by forcing them to choose between their faithfulness to God or to bow down and worship him. If they refused him or the other gods, he would have them stoned, fed to wild beasts, nailed to the cross, or were burned alive and served as torches at night. The early converts to Christianity in ancient Rome had to face persecution on a regular basis, forcing them to meet in catacombs and underground churches. This is where the symbol of the ichthus comes from. Believers would use the Greek word for fish, since Christ empowered the disciples to become “fishers of men,” to see if another person was a believer. Women also became a large population in the church.

Despite the dangers of becoming a believer, the converts grew as they were fulfilled in their relationship with Christ and admired the martyr’s faith. Rome had a very large number of poor, so Christianity continued to grow and finally became a large majority. Emperor Constantine made Christianity legal (more so tolerating all religions) and for the first time, Christians were finally allowed to openly worship. Churches were built in Rome and throughout the empire. Under Theodosius, Christianity became the official religion and the worship of other gods was made illegal. An interesting turn of events, for sure! 

So why the history lesson you say? Well I could say that in the recent years, the western world is reverting to its Roman ways. Just take a look at America as a case in point: our military is spread all over the world, we are a trade empire, we are enslaved to our materialism... I could go on. With God no longer at the helm of this country, we have put Him on the shelf of our lives to be dusted off every now and then when we need the bills paid or Aunt Susie's cancer healed. What do we expect but to fall to chaos again? I could refer to the law of thermodynamics that the world is always on the course of greater chaos (or as chemists call it, entropy). Where have we gone wrong? 

There are many reasons, and before fingers are pointed and people are blamed, I must ask you to stop and look in the mirror. Now I could be alone in this, but sometimes I just spend a few minutes looking at myself in the mirror. Not in a vain or self deprecating way, but just to REALLY look at myself. I think of all the decisions that led me to that point of time. I think of who I have become. I take inventory of my character and faith. Do I have that same martyr faith like the early Christians? Would I rather get eaten by lions or set on fire, than deny my faith? Although I would really like to say, "YES OF COURSE!" ... I see no evidence of that type of faith in my life now. 

Sure I try, but am I disciplined? No. This realization this past week has really hit me hard. I am tangled in so many responsibilities and projects and relationships that I have lost sight of my first task: become disciplined. When you become a Christian, you pray to the Lord and ask forgiveness and for the Holy Spirit to come live in your heart so that you may be guided along the journey that is life. Next, you make a public declaration of faith (through baptism) so that you commit your decision and your church family can support you. Most churches will plug you into some kind of bible study and/or ministry next. Sadly, many new believers accept Christ, but never get to those next steps or (like in my case) you follow through all the steps and then you move away to a new town and struggle to find a new church. Then you find yourself adding other things to your plate (although perhaps good in nature) and completely lose sight of the discipline you once had. 

But as I look at myself in the mirror, (the baggy eyed, stressed out, emotionally suppressed, overweight, undisciplined self) I see those same brown eyes that cried at the altar, only 5 years ago. Those round chocolate orbs that twinkle ever so gently; a window to my soul. That twinkle is a reminder that the Holy Spirit still dwells inside the chamber: my moral compass, my strength, my discipline. All I need is to stop the rush and torrent of chasing after life and just kneel. Just bow down to the Creator of the Universe who orchestrates all the things I worry and stress over (as well as the entire world's), who sent His one and only son to rescue me from my lack of discipline, who loves me despite my tendencies to push Him away. 

So I pray that I will become disciplined. I pray that I will one day attain the martyr's faith. I pray that there is a renewal in this martyr type faith in my friends and family, church, school, country, and world. I pray that the martyr's faith does what its meant to do: be true, altruistic, and disciplined in love. Enough with the hate, finger pointing, and excuses. First look in the mirror, and I mean REALLY look, then pray. I pray for you too, and I hope that my confession and shortcomings and pain may help you in some way as you look into the windows of your own soul. Even if it is only one sheep that returns to the shepherd, that one's return will be greatly rejoiced.

Verses to follow up with: Romans 12: 1-2, Matthew 18:13

**Please be reminded that I am certainly not perfect or holier than anyone. I am only sharing my thoughts for my own catharsis and in the hopes that it may help someone.To God be the glory if that one person is helped.

Cool New Music Fall '13

If you haven't already checked these bands out: DO IT!

1) Bastille - (I bought the whole album, but if I HAD to pick a fav song I would say I really like    Pompeii and Flaws)
2) Fitz and the Tantrums - (The Walker = cool synthy jam)
3) Volcano Choir
4) Bon Iver - (really enjoy first album, For Emma Forever Ago)
5) Rend Collective Experiment - (the ENTIRE Campfire album = SO GOOD)
6) The Colourist
7) Lorde (Royals has been my jam, man!)

I probably missed a few, but you should tots (pronounced totes) check out this playlist:
http://songza.com/listen/cool-new-music-fall-2013-songza/

Of Christianity & the Workplace

"The best laid plans of mice and men often go awry." This quote by John Steinbeck has so many applications, and one of the best is definitely in regards to Christianity. What I mean is this: the idea Christ had for His church, has not fully permeated its members. Although the church may have good intentions, these plans often go awry. How did I get on this topic? A had a conversation with a few of my co-workers at Pizza Hut.

Call it a social experiment if you want, I call it following Jesus through actions along with words. Now as I have said before, I am not a perfect person. I don't pretend like I am. I try to wear my flaws on my sleeve, but I do not use them as an excuse. I am certainly not writing this for a proverbial pat on the back, but rather as an external processing of thought. With all of that aside, I have been kind of subtly performing an experiment: would co-workers be able to tell if I was a Christian merely by my actions?

I began working at this restaurant without being on a "crusade." (You all know what I mean, there always that one person who has to "save" everyone and be in your face, even if you are already "saved" and yes I dislike having to deal with those people too.) My opinion on this matter is people are tired of the two faced Christians who get up all in your face wanting to evangelize you and they do nothing for you. I've had a few stories myself of self proclaiming Christians stiffing me on a tip or better yet devising a way to get there food for free. It sickens me and makes God's blood boil. As Christians we are called to be "salt and light" of the world, bring His good news through words AND ACTION. Jesus washed the (nasty, blistered, dust-covered, possible cow manured) feet of the disciples. They did not ask him to do it. It was the ultimate example of servant-leadership. He who was clean and without sin, personally puts his hands and your nasty dirty feet and makes them clean again. He touched the leper (if you don't know what a leper is than google image search, I'm sure you wouldn't want to touch them either) and made him whole.

So I go to work, don't tell anyone I am a Christian. As time goes on and they realize I don't cuss. I do not party. I do not drink. I do not smoke. I do not lose my temper (except when that supposed Christian stiffed me and got her food for free by lying to my manager). Every single employee (at different times) begin to ask me if I am a Christian. To which I reply yes. A few asked me what church I go to or if I go to the Christian college. One asked me if I would sell my soul to the devil for $150,000? 300,000? 1 million? I said no, nothing on this earth is worth your soul.

I am two months into my job. They trust me to count inventory, use the cash drawer, and even make large deposits of cash to the bank, all unsupervised. How did I do it? Did I hypnotize them? Did I drug them? No, I have been the best employee I could be. When I forgot a soda, I paid for it out of pocket instead of getting the store to reimburse me. I leave my phone in the car. For every moment I am on the clock I am productive in some way, never having to be asked to do something.

I think the make or break point was when this one ghetto woman took the pizza that was supposed to be for another order (and didn't say anything) and I came back to the store with the money for only from her one ticket. My manager informed me that I had been stiffed and asked me where the money was for the other ticket. When we realized what had happened he called the customer (who has now been waiting extraordinarily long) that his pizza had been stolen in the ghetto and that I (me) was going to bring him a new one shortly and free of charge. I felt so sick and upset (my face was literally pale and my stomach in a knot) that I had made such a stupid mistake, that when I got to his house, it really did look I was just jumped. The customer, bless his heart, insisted on paying in full and tipped me because he felt sorry for me. The next day, I gave my manger the money for the ticket. He was so surprised that I did not keep the money (not gonna lie I was tempted) but I told him I would not feel good until I did (which was true).

In the bible there is a passage that says when you can be trusted a little, you can then be trusted with a lot (Luke 16:10). I believe when I demonstrated my true character (even though it was hard because I could have used that money to pay for all of these exorbitant college textbooks) my manger and co-workers were able to see that I can be trusted. To people who have been barraged by untrustworthy two-faced Christians, my actions resonated with them so much more than if I went in every day telling them "praise God" and "Jesus loves you," and then proceeding to sit and text while everyone else runs around like crazy. Christians should be the ideal employees: we are not allowed to complain, we speak only kind words to others, we aren't afraid of getting our hands dirty and mopping the floors, we have a joyful spirit and we have patience for even the most difficult customers.

Two hours ago I asked one of the "non-Christian" employees if I was the meanest Christian he knows. I was expecting a snarky response, especially since he had previously told me that he does not like organized religion and hates delivering to my college because they never tip (broke as we are, we should still be generous). He paused from the dishes and looked me in the eye and said, "You are the most hard-core Christian I ever met. You are a hard worker. You do a good job and I like closing [the restaurant] with you, because you don't need to be told what to do: you just do it." He smiled real big and returned to the stacks of dishes. I replied, "Well, good! That means I'm doin' somthin' right!" This should be the way to evangelize in the workplace, using actions more than words, and may ALL of the glory go to God who delivered me from my old ways [insert: self-centered, prideful, superficial, sinful, dishonest, etc] and is making me mature/destined for my designed purpose.